Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
