Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My ass is underappreciated
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
