I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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