I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
