Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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