The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
