So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
