Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize