the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
