Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Life is so much better after having sex.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
