i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
