He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
