After last night, I could never be a politician.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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