the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
