i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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