I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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