Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize