Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
