he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
