God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
