Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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