I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
