Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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