I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
