You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
