new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
