Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
