Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
