You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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