yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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