i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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