He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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