I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
