Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
