You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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