im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
