We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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