I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
