Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
