My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
