Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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