so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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