I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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