Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
