**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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