the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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