why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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