How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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