I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
