I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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