happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize