R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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