I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have so many feelings about this burrito
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize