All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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