dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
