Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
