im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
