Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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