Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
