I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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