I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
