I'm going to jail i love you
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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