dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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