She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
