kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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