My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
