You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
