Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize