Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I didn't notice because vodka
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
