but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
