At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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