3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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