When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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