i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
