Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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