another moral hangover. fuck.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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