it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've blown a few things in my day
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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