Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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