I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
