everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
