I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
