Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
