I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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