It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
