I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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