Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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