she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
