First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
