So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
