My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
