He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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