We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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