a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
