Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
