my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just blew my weed a kiss
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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