They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
