He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize