He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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