just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
