Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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