My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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