So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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