hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
