pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
