What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My vagina just clenched in fear
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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