woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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