I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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