don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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