are you so shy because you have an std?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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