the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
