Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
