Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
